


Kisses

by touchinghearts



Category: Running Man RPF
Genre: Humour, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-17
Updated: 2013-04-17
Packaged: 2017-12-08 18:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/764776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/touchinghearts/pseuds/touchinghearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongkook knows there are many types of kisses but it’s through Kwangsoo that he learns that they mean something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning:** I will be the first to say that my writing is far from high standard but I do hope this provides some entertainment. Also, I think OOC goes without saying. I’m sorry to readers T____T I went through so much grief, big apologies and lots of hugs and kisses to the darlings who had to deal with my whining about it.  
>     
> There has never been a story paired with a more uncreative title yet it appears they’ve bonded and I hadn’t the heart to separate them.
> 
> **Author's Note:** So, the original plan was to post this piece in its entirety because it is actually a one-shot. There are no parts, and it was set to be posted before my exams began. Unfortunately, a few key scenes are proving difficult and I refuse to rush them.  
> 
> At the same time, the story as it is became too long, and it's due to become longer since it's not finished. So I decided during posting that I'd break it up into 3 parts. They would've all been posted at the same time, because I _absolutely loathe_ posting something not completely polished up.
> 
> But, since I am really, really guilty that I've yet to contribute and I'm going to be gone from Tumblr until the 29th, I felt that maybe I should post the first part at least. :( Will finish the rest after my exams and post them. 
> 
> For Sushi and Mew, both of which I wish I could huggle. For Nia, who improves at the speed of light and doesn't believe me when I tell her so. For Julie, who keeps driving me crazy with pics of certain hunky singers, and for Saki, who brings about so much fun during livestreams ~~hold more dammit~~. For Rena, a new friend who needs to get better soon XD
> 
> For this tiny but amazing fandom who talks to me although all I do is bother them endlessly. ♥

.~’~.

Lee Kwangsoo is definitely the most demonstrative lover Jongkook’s ever been with. In contrast, Jongkook himself isn’t the most touchy-feely of people. He’s as affectionate as the next guy but it’s nowhere in the capacity Kwangsoo entertains. Jongkook isn’t sure if it’s because of the confidence their relationship gives him, but Kwangsoo finds no shame in showing off his affections as often as he likes. Jongkook can’t even count the number of times Kwangsoo clings to him onscreen alone; much less the times they’re _off_ screen.

It’s gotten to the point that Sukjin and Jihyo have to lecture them both on what is and is not appropriate within range of cameras. It’s all in good humour, of course, and a subtle show of support that doesn’t go unappreciated but Jongkook still hits Kwangsoo upside the head when it looks like lines are getting crossed. It doesn’t deter Kwangsoo for long because the problem is that Jongkook isn’t hitting very hard.

He pretends he doesn’t notice the kisses until someone points out that it actually is noticeable.

“Jongkook-ah,” says Jaesuk, his smirk entirely annoying to look at, “it’s like Donghoon isn’t the only one in the honeymoon phase.”

 

“What?” Jongkook sputters at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Jaesuk shrugs. “You’d think you were made of sugar.”

 

Jongkook’s too scandalised by that description to even begin formulating a retort. But he does know what Jaesuk is implying, as embarrassed as he is that it’s being implied in the first place.

 

Kwangsoo likes to kiss him.

 

Not that it’s a bad thing, obviously. Jongkook’s certainly not going to tell him to stop; rather, he likes to think that he gives as good as he gets. But he’s only ever done regular kisses. Kwangsoo, on the other hand, goes the extra mile; by now, Jongkook thinks there isn’t an inch of skin on him that Kwangsoo’s lips hasn’t touched.

 

“You alright, hyung?” asks Kwangsoo curiously. “Your face is all red.”

 

“I’m fine!” says Jongkook hastily. “What time’s the next recording?”

 

Jongkook’s heard that there are many types of kisses. He doesn’t think of them as ‘types’, really. Sure, getting kissed on the cheek or the hand or the neck is different from kissing on the lips but in the end, they become the same to him. In fact, he doesn’t think they’re very different at all because he’s never had a lover who uses kisses instead of words.

 

He doesn’t understand that kisses can mean so much more until Kwangsoo.

  
**i.**

_Connection_

(The First Kiss)

The first kiss happens one month after they get together. Jongkook’s the one who instigates it because when they start dating, Kwangsoo’s as skittish as a baby deer. He’s careful about every single word he says, every twitch he makes; even the way he looks at Jongkook is self-monitored. It’s like he believes that the moment he lets his guard down, he’d do something bad enough for Jongkook to dump him on the spot.

 

For someone with such a big ego onscreen, Jongkook’s never met anybody as insecure as Lee Kwangsoo is.

 

“Am I your first?” he asks Kwangsoo once, perfectly serious.

 

“First what?” Kwangsoo responds, blinking those large brown eyes of his in confusion.

 

“I don’t know, first anything. First person to hold hands with. First date with. First, you know, partner.”

 

Kwangsoo just stares at him until Jongkook gets embarrassed.

 

“Do you even get what I’m saying?” he snaps. “Am I your first boyfriend or what?”

 

“Oh,” says Kwangsoo. “No, hyung, you’re not my first anything.”

 

It’s Jongkook’s turn to stare. For some reason that straightforward answer kind of stings, although he should’ve been expecting it.

 

“Right,” he says flatly.

 

Kwangsoo tilts his head, looking thoughtful. “Well,” he starts, slow as if he’s uncertain, “there is one thing where you’re my first.”

 

Jongkook, for lack of a better term, perks up. “Yeah?”

 

“I won’t tell you what it is,” Kwangsoo tells him with an unrepentant smile.

 

Jongkook would rather gut himself than admit he’s whining out his next words. “Why not?”

 

Kwangsoo shrugs even as his lips twitch. “I’ll tell you when I’m sure.”

 

Jongkook would’ve pressed because now he’s curious but then Haha pops up out of nowhere and the chance is lost.

 

Kwangsoo doesn’t make a single move and it’s driving Jongkook up the wall. He’s never been in a relationship this _chaste_ before. The longest any of his past relationships have lasted without progressing to at least second base is a week. It’s been _four_ since Kwangsoo’s shy confession and Jongkook’s beginning to wonder if he’s dreamed it. It’s not like he hasn’t before.

 

“You told me to let him set the pace and it’s been a month but he still treats me like he did before!” he hisses to Jihyo when he’s visiting the Marco Macaco studio to watch them work.

 

Jihyo stares back, her expression devoid of even a shred of compassion. “So?”

 

“So, what am I supposed to do?”

 

“Just keep rolling with it like I told you before.”

 

“I’ve been rolling with it for nearly a month, Jihyo-yah,” says Jongkook in frustration. “Just how long do you want me to keep rolling?”

 

“For as long as he needs you to,” Jihyo snaps back. “He’s not exactly the paragon of confidence in these things. If you rush him, you might as well say bye right now. Last time I introduced him to someone who rushed him, he ran faster than Yoo Jaesuk from Choi Minsoo.”

 

Jongkook groans and smacks his palm over his head. Jihyo sighs and hands her juice to him as a token of sympathy.

 

“I’m not saying you can’t try, Jongkook-hyung,” she says. “Really, it’s up to you. I’m just telling you that I’ve seen how he reacts when he’s forced to do something he doesn’t want.”

 

“So he doesn’t want to kiss me,” Jongkook says morosely.

 

Jihyo rolls her eyes. “You’re so melodramatic, who’d want to,” she snipes.

 

Jongkook glares at her until she starts laughing. Just as he flings his empty juice box at her head, the door opens and his boyfriend steps in. Kwangsoo stops stock still, only watching in interest as Jihyo retaliates by pouncing on Jongkook and grabbing for his hair.

 

“Ow, ow, hey, Jihyo-yah!” Jongkook screeches in protest, trying to shake her off. “Let go of my head! _Yah_ , Lee Kwangsoo, don’t just stand there, _do_ something!”

 

But Kwangsoo’s already overcome by the hilarity of the scene and at the moment he’s more invested in howling in laughter than he is in saving Jongkook. Seeing no help coming from that quarter, Jongkook starts flailing in hopes of unbalancing Jihyo without having to outright touch her. She clings resolutely with that ridiculous strength of hers and Jongkook is forced to physically shove her away because he’s worried she might actually rip his hair out.

 

“Yah!” he roars at her once he’s safely behind Kwangsoo. “That hurt, you witch!”

 

Jihyo keels over, cackling into sofa cushions. Thoroughly annoyed, Jongkook smacks Kwangsoo who’s yet to regain his composure. There are already curious people peeking in at the door but with one look at the infamous temper simmering in Jongkook’s expression, they scatter and leave the trio in privacy.

 

“Thanks for _not_ helping,” Jongkook says, frowning at his boyfriend.

 

Entirely unrepentant, Kwangsoo beams back. “I don’t get in Jihyo-noona’s way if I can help it,” he says cheerfully. “Anyway, I leave you two for ten minutes and you start a war.”

 

Jihyo sniggers into the cushions. Jongkook glares at her again.

 

“Yah, Jihyo-ah, aren’t you laughing a bit too much?” he growls.

 

Jihyo finally lifts her head and smirks at him. “Aren’t you worrying a bit too much?” she retorts.

 

Jongkook can feel himself begin to flush because she’s definitely not talking about the war and Kwangsoo’s right _there_.

 

“Jihyo-yah,” he says sharply.

 

“If you’re so worried, oppa, then just go for it,” says Jihyo. “But you have to deal with the consequences.”

 

Kwangsoo looks between them and his expression alone is proof that he doesn’t suspect the double entrende at all. Jongkook heaves a silent sigh of relief for that and narrows his eyes at Jihyo.

 

“Thanks,” he says with a tight smile.

 

Jihyo winks at him. “Anytime.”

 

Kwangsoo still seems to be clueless so Jongkook carefully steers the conversation away to safer topics. But even when he leaves, he can’t get Jihyo’s words out of his head and he wonders if maybe he should heed them after all. 

 

It’s Cha Taehyun who finally tells him to man up, in those exact words.

 

“I don’t get why you’re being such a chicken in the first place,” says Taehyun in exasperation. “It’s just a kiss. What’s the big deal?”

 

“If it’s just a kiss, he would’ve done it himself way before this,” Jongkook grumbles. “Something’s stopping him.”

 

Taehyun rolls his eyes as he sips his chai. “You know,” he says, in a tone pointed enough to imply that he thinks Jongkook is an idiot, “you could just _ask_.”

 

Jongkook lifts his head from the table to stare. “Ask,” he says, as if in wonder. “I could just _ask_.”

 

Hyuk, who’s been watching the proceedings like someone watching a hilariously bad movie, snorts.

 

“It’s a newly-developed concept,” he says dryly. “I’m not surprised you’ve never heard of it.”

 

Jongkook grimaces at him. “Life isn’t always that straightforward,” he snipes.

 

“No, you’re just that stupid,” Taehyun mutters, and Hyuk laughs outright.

 

Ignoring this slight, Jongkook looks up at them and says: “How am I supposed to ask?”

 

Hyuk and Taehyun exchange glances. Hyuk smirks.

 

“Figure it out yourself,” he says succinctly.

 

Jongkook glowers into his juice. “You’re both jerks.”

 

“That’s my middle name, don’t wear it out,” Taehyun quips. “Seriously, though, stop acting like such a girl and just _ask_. What’s so hard about saying ‘Hey, dude, can I kiss you?’”

 

Hyuk stays mercifully silent only because Jongkook’s glare dares him to say a word.

 

“Is that how you ask sister-in-law?” says Jongkook to Taehyun, his tone pointed.

 

Taehyun snorts. “She’d skin me alive if I did but that’s the _point_ ,” he says, rapping the table top with his knuckles. “She’s a girl, so obviously that kind of trick doesn’t fly with her. But your sweetheart is a guy, Jongkook-ah, he’s not going to slap you because you impugned his honour or something.”

 

Jongkook rubs the back of his head. “Point,” he eventually concedes with some reluctance.

 

“He finally sees the light,” Taehyun says sarcastically. “Seriously, what’s up with you?”

 

“Jongkookie’s always like this,” Hyuk comments. “Usually it’s with girls, though.”

 

“True,” Taehyun agrees instantly as he grins at Hyuk. “Kwangsoo-ya’s the exception who brings out his ~shy~ side.” His tone rises up in pitch near the end and both of them start laughing again when they see how the mocking affects their third. “Look, Jongkookie’s blushing. Isn’t he cute?”

 

“Don’t do that!” Jongkook reprimands him but he’s unable to hide the colour rising on his neck. “You’re enjoying it, aren’t you, making fun of me like this?”

 

“You’re whining to us about your love life,” Taehyun tells him in an amused tone. “It’s tradition; you should know best since you’re the one who started it before Hyukkie and I got married.”

 

Hyuk apparently notices that Jongkook is truly frustrated and decides to be helpful for once. He leans forward and pats Jongkook’s shoulder in a gesture of solidarity.

 

“If you’re so worried about it,” he says, “you could just tell him you’ve wanted to do it for a while.”

 

“What if he asks why I haven’t?”

 

“The truth, obviously. You didn’t want to upset him by going too fast, right?”

 

“Think that’ll help my case if he does get offended?” Jongkook asks, half-joking.

 

Taehyun shakes his head but his bored tone is belied by the affectionate quirk of his lips. “Just ask him, man,” he advises. “It’ll go fine.”

 

It takes a while for Jongkook to muster up the courage and then he has to wait another week, perched on tenterhooks in fear of losing his nerve, before an opportunity presents itself. They’re in his apartment one afternoon, the sunlight pouring in through the windows of the living room and his favourite record music emanating from his speakers. He’s exercising on his dipping bar while Kwangsoo sits on the floor against the sofa. Kwangsoo, in a rare occasion where he forgets to be shy and reserved, isn’t even trying to hide the way his gaze is fixed on Jongkook’s tense arms and swinging legs.

 

Jongkook’s not going to rebuke him though, because who doesn’t enjoy being ogled with such lascivious appreciation by the person they like? In fact, he may or may not be showing off a bit. He’s been told once that his muscles look really nice when he’s flexing them.

 

He does realise, however, that there isn’t going to be a moment more perfect than this to start talking about _something_.

 

“Kwangsoo-yah,” says Jongkook, “you know, we’ve been going out for over a month already.”

 

Kwangsoo’s head snaps up so sharply, even Jongkook’s startled.

 

“What?” he says cautiously.

 

“Is everything okay, hyung?” says Kwangsoo, his expression distressed. “Did I do something wrong already?”

 

“No,” Jongkook answers, blinking slowly. “Why would you—wait, what do you mean _already_?”

 

“I figured I was probably going to mess something up eventually,” says Kwangsoo, now looking embarrassed. “I’m glad I haven’t yet.”

 

Jongkook shakes his head, suddenly recalling with vivid clarity Jihyo’s comment: _“He’s not exactly the paragon of confidence in these things.”_

 

“Of course you haven’t, Kwangsoo-ya. Pretty sure you’d know if you did.”

 

Kwangsoo grins at him. Jongkook falters for a second before clearing his throat and ploughing on.

 

“So, like I said, we’ve been going out for over a month. That’s a long time already, isn’t it?”

 

Much to his consternation, Kwangsoo’s expression crumples.

 

“You’re dumping me, aren’t you?” he moans.

 

Jongkook gapes at him, caught completely off guard. “ _What_ , no!” he refutes. Kwangsoo’s drastic assumption is utterly bewildering. “Where did you eve? We’ve only been dating a month!”

 

His denial brightens Kwangsoo immediately and he perks back up like a puppy. Sometimes Jongkook honestly doesn’t know what to do with him.

 

“There was one girl I dated for only two weeks,” Kwangsoo tells him seriously. “And she said the same thing you did, hyung.”

 

“Same thing I did?”

 

“She told me that we’ve been dating for a long time and then she dumped me.”

 

Jongkook shakes his head, beyond understanding at this point. He heaves himself off his dipping bar and slides down to sit next to Kwangsoo on the floor. His boyfriend watches him with a warm expression, the one mixed in with a little adoration that Jongkook has seen multiple times even before they got together. He coughs slightly and looks away for a moment. He always ends up blushing under that sweet gaze.

 

“Well, you don’t have to worry, I’m not dumping you,” he assures. “I don’t plan to at least, and I hope you aren’t either.”

 

“Never!” Kwangsoo declares instantly.

 

“I should hold you to that,” Jongkook says dryly.

 

“You can, hyung,” Kwangsoo tells him. “I’m never going to let you go.”

 

Jongkook inhales sharply and stares at him, but Kwangsoo merely looks back earnestly. Jongkook feels himself beginning to blush.

 

“Right,” he says, busying himself with wiping sweat off his neck so he can avoid Kwangsoo’s sincere eyes. “Anyway, that wasn’t what I wanted to talk about.”

 

Kwangsoo bumps their shoulders together, smiling when Jongkook looks up. “What is it, hyung?”

 

Jongkook purses his lips and reminds himself that being direct is the plan. “Kwangsoo-ah, you have kissed before, right?”

 

Kwangsoo’s eyes widen and it’s his turn to look away hastily. Jongkook watches as those knobbly knees are raised and Kwangsoo sets his long arms on them.

 

“I’ve kissed before, hyung,” Kwangsoo confesses. “Not a lot, but I’ve done it.”

 

He glances over at Jongkook who raises his eyebrows in question. Kwangsoo smiles, shy.

 

“Are you asking me because we haven’t kissed yet, hyung?”

 

Jongkook flounders. Direct is one thing but this is a lot more upfront than he’s been planning.

 

“Well, it’s a bit—I was only wondering…you know I’ve—it was just a thought!” he says desperately.

 

Kwangsoo blinks and then starts laughing. “Hyung, why are you panicking?” he asks through his hands covering his mouth.

 

Sure that his face must be red, Jongkook rubs the back of his neck. “It’s nothing, nothing, forget I said anything, let’s just drop this, okay?”

 

A hand catches his and it’s enough for a surprise for him to turn back to Kwangsoo. The younger man is grinning as he brings Jongkook’s hand down between them but the look in his eyes is soft. Kwangsoo’s long fingers curl around Jongkook’s as he tilts his head. Jongkook gazes back, unsure.

 

“If you were wondering, Jongkook-hyung,” says Kwangsoo, “I’ve been thinking about kissing you every day since we got together.”

 

Jongkook swallows. “Oh?” he says, and curses himself for the slight spike in tone.

 

Kwangsoo’s smile becomes easy, languid. “Every day,” he reiterates. “Seriously, hyung, it’s hard not to when you’ve got such nice lips.”

 

Jongkook’s almost sure his heartbeat can be heard; it’s racing when Kwangsoo reaches over with his free hand to swipe a thumb over Jongkook’s bottom lip. Jongkook swallows again.

 

“You,” he says breathlessly even as he leans into the touch, “really have no shame.”

 

Kwangsoo grins again, unrepentant. “I wanted to kiss you, Jongkookie-hyung, but it’s hard when the both of us are always somewhere we could get caught.”

 

Jongkook pauses at that. Come to think of it, this is the first time since they first began dating that they’re alone somewhere nobody can accidentally barge in. A month’s not really that long, actually, especially with the schedules they both have. Jongkook looks around his living room thoughtfully.

 

“No one can catch us here,” he mentions, unable to prevent a little suggestiveness from highlighting his voice.

 

Kwangsoo wiggles his eyebrows in a way that is both ridiculous and endearing. “I did notice. Are you going to kiss me, hyung?”

 

Jongkook inches closer. “Is it okay?”

 

“I’m not running away.”

 

Jongkook smiles and untangles their hands so he can cradle Kwangsoo’s face. His fingers brush against dark brown curls. Kwangsoo burrows into the touch, his eyelashes sweeping the top of his cheeks when he closes his eyes. Jongkook’s heartbeat increases again. He flicks his tongue, suddenly nervous. Any thought, plan, or advice flies out of his head. There’s only one thing to focus on right now.

 

Jongkook hesitates for just a moment and then he leans in. The moment their mouths meet, they both flinch in surprise but it’s bizarrely natural to melt into each other immediately after. Jongkook feels Kwangsoo’s hand curve against his jaw as they both press closer. Kwangsoo’s lips are as soft as they look, Jongkook notes with some giddiness, and for someone who claims to have kissed only a few times, he’s pretty good at it. He hears Kwangsoo make a little noise that sounds happy.

 

Jongkook pouts his lips a little and is rewarded by Kwangsoo opening his mouth to suck on them. He hums at the back of his throat, pleased, and pushes forward a little. Kwangsoo pushes back, hand clamping onto the back of Jongkook’s neck, and Jongkook can feel a shiver running down his spine. He nips playfully at Kwangsoo’s lip. Kwangsoo retaliates by bringing out his tongue and from there, Jongkook’s brain screeches to a stop. He’s not sure how exactly they end up entangled in each other’s embrace or how long they’ve before making out before they finally retreat for real oxygen.

 

Kwangsoo smiles against his lips and Jongkook can’t help but smile, too. He pulls away so he can look into his boyfriend’s face. Kwangsoo’s eyes are bright, fixed entirely on Jongkook. A little thrill runs through him at the knowledge that right now, Kwangsoo is only thinking about him. Jongkook lets the fingers of one hand tickle Kwangsoo’s ear.

 

“That wasn’t so bad,” he murmurs.

 

“No,” Kwangsoo agrees. “Can we do it again?”

 

Jongkook chuckles and leans back in.

  
**ii.**

_Affection_

(Sweet kisses)

One of Jongkook’s favourite things to do is lie on the sofa. It’s a guilty pleasure because it’s not good for his back if he accidentally falls asleep. But it’s comfortable to just recline on the cushions for a while, especially after an exhausting chase mission on Running Man. The sofas used for the prison are extremely comfortable and he’d collapsed here the moment break starts. Everyone else has gone down to the cafeteria to eat and Jongkook’s pretty sure he’s alone up here. He likes the peace and quiet. It doesn’t take long before he drifts into a relaxing reverie where his mind doesn’t even bother with worded thoughts.

 

The squeak of sneakers against the floor rouses him just enough to remember where he is, but he doesn’t bother opening his eyes. It’s only when the footsteps are heard next to him that he realises someone is there. He still doesn’t open his eyes. With any luck, whoever it is will think he’s asleep and leave him alone.

 

There’s a rustle of clothes and then the weight of a body leaning against the sofa. Jongkook opens his eyes, ready to tell off whoever had disturbed him. His disgruntlement vanishes when Kwangsoo’s face comes into sight. Brown eyes widen in surprise when they notice him.

 

“Hyung!” says Kwangsoo, his voice hushed. “I thought you were asleep.”

 

“You weren’t exactly quiet,” Jongkook tells him. “But I wasn’t asleep. I was just lying down.”

 

“Did I disturb you? I’m sorry!”

 

“It’s fine.” Jongkook reaches out and tugs at Kwangsoo’s arm, dragging it until it’s flat on the sofa for him to rest his head upon.

 

“Am I a pillow now?” asks Kwangsoo in amusement.

 

“You can make up for bothering me this way,” Jongkook tells him, shifting onto his side so he can nuzzle Kwangsoo’s bare arm.

 

Kwangsoo smiles at him. He sets his other arm down on the sofa in front of Jongkook and places his chin on it. Now their faces are scant centimetres apart. Jongkook blinks lazily.

 

“You’re bold,” he comments.

 

“I just like your sleepy face,” Kwangsoo replies. “It’s cuter up close.”

 

“I’m not cute,” Jongkook grumbles.

 

Kwangsoo grins and leans forward. If Jongkook hadn’t been so sleepy, he would’ve jumped when Kwangsoo’s lips press against him for a split second. He opens his eyes wider to look at him.

 

“That’s it?” he asks.

 

Kwangsoo chuckles. He leans forward again to press another kiss, just as chaste. One second passes and he repeats it. Jongkook makes a content little noise and lets Kwangsoo bestow those cute little pecks on him. Kwangsoo only pulls back when Jongkook decides to return one, checking to see if anyone is coming after getting distracted. Jongkook licks his lips and he’s surprised by the sweet taste of sugar.

 

“Did you eat something sweet?”

 

“Jihyo-noona brought sugar cookies,” Kwangsoo explains. “She saved some for you.”

 

“You already had ice cream earlier,” says Jongkook disapprovingly. “You should cut down on all those snacks. You won’t be young forever.”

 

Kwangsoo shrugs his shoulders good-naturedly and leans forward to kiss Jongkook again. A few more follow and Jongkook decides he likes the sweet taste despite himself. It’s while he’s laughing into Kwangsoo’s mouth that they hear it.

 

“Gary-hyung!” Haha’s voice echoes from somewhere. “Don’t walk so fast, you might wake Jongkook-hyung!”

 

“Your yelling’s going to wake him up before me, Donghoon-ah!”

 

Kwangsoo hurriedly backs off and Jongkook sighs in disappointment. Kwangsoo’s naturally shameless and if it had been anyone but Gary, who’s the only one yet to figure out that they’re dating, or a staff member, he would’ve happily gone on kissing his boyfriend without regard for who might stumble on them. Jongkook used to scold him about it but he doesn’t actually mind. He likes that side of Kwangsoo a bit too much; he just doesn’t want to admit it because Haha and Jihyo would tease him endlessly.

 

“We should probably tell Gary-hyung soon,” Kwangsoo says, choosing to prop his head against the sofa arm, a safe distance compared to before.

 

To tease him, Jongkook pouts. Kwangsoo stares at him as the sound of footsteps finally reach their hearing. Suddenly he darts forward, his lips pressing against Jongkook’s one last time in a brief but hard kiss that leaves Jongkook stunned. Kwangsoo pulls back and resumes his position just as Gary waltzes from around the corner.

 

Jongkook can only gape at his smug-looking boyfriend. Even as Gary greets them, all he can think about is the taste of sugar on his lips.

  
**iii.**

_Comfort_

(Forehead kisses)

When Jongkook grumpily answers the incessant doorbell a little bit after midnight, the last thing he expects is a quiet and unhappy-looking Kwangsoo barreling into his arms.

 

Jongkook yelps but before they both topple over he manages to brace himself against the weight. Kwangsoo clings to him, head tucked into the crook of Jongkook’s shoulder, his back hunched in what looks to be a very uncomfortable position. Jongkook leans his head away, trying to peer down at the face pressed against his neck.

 

“Kwangsoo?” he calls hesitantly.

 

“Hi, hyung,” is the soft reply. “Sorry for not calling.”

 

“Kwangsoo-ah,” says Jongkook, wiggling in his boyfriend’s grip. “Hey, let go, I can’t move.”

 

Kwangsoo loosens the tight circle his arms have made around Jongkook’s body, but he doesn’t let go. Jongkook is slightly worried by the strange behaviour but capitalises on the freedom of movement. After a bit of manoeuvering, he manages to close the door and leans against it. Jongkook exhales; dragging Kwangsoo’s long body even that short distance is tiring for his half-asleep state.

 

“Kwangsoo-ya,” he says again, “Why are you like this?”

 

Kwangsoo doesn’t answer but he does move his arms again, lowering them until they settle around Jongkook’s waist. Jongkook glances down curiously but Kwangsoo isn’t budging. He brings a hand up to touch Kwangsoo’s chin and flinches.

 

“Ya, you’re freezing!”

 

Jongkook forces Kwangsoo to stand straight so he can look properly, cupping his boyfriend’s face in his hands. The pale skin is as cold as it looks and now that he’s not plastered against Jongkook, Kwangsoo’s beginning to tremble from residual cold already. Jongkook instantly pulls him close again and finally notices that in addition to his light clothing, Kwangsoo’s t-shirt and pants are as chilly as his body is.

 

“Did you walk here?” Jongkook demands, although he’s more worried than angry.

 

“A bit,” Kwangsoo admits, his voice still quiet. “I parked my car a bit farther away so no one will notice.”

 

Jongkook frowns at him. “C’mon, let’s get you warmed up,” he says, tugging his boyfriend with him to the bedroom.

 

Jongkook makes Kwangsoo wash his face and change into new clothes before forcing him to drink at least two cups of hot green tea. Kwangsoo does everything without a single protest. It’s strange because whenever Jongkook starts mothering him Kwangsoo’s favourite past time is to complain. To have him being so obedient while Jongkook nags him is somewhat unsettling.

Once Jongkook is satisfied, they retreat to the bedroom again and Kwangsoo immediately attaches himself to Jongkook like an octopus. Jongkook leans against the headboard, watching as Kwangsoo wiggles around until half his body is sprawled in Jongkook’s lap. Kwangsoo buries his face into Jongkook’s stomach. He’s yet to say a single word since the foyer.

 

Once they’re both comfortable with their positions, a perplexed Jongkook asks: “Did something happen?”

 

Kwangsoo gives a light shrug and nuzzles further into Jongkook’s stomach. Completely confused, Jongkook can only stroke his boyfriend’s curls. It’s obvious Kwangsoo is miserable but over what is the question. Jongkook pokes him but his boyfriend doesn’t even twitch.

 

“Kwangsoo-yah, you should tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“I’m fine, hyung,” Kwangsoo finally speaks. “I just wanted to see you, that’s all.”

 

“In the middle of the night?”

 

Again, Kwangsoo doesn’t answer. Jongkook sighs but he doesn’t stop his stroking.

 

“Something’s bothering you,” he says. “Why won’t you tell me?”

 

Kwangsoo blows into Jongkook’s stomach.

 

Jongkook’s lips twitch. “Ya, stop that,” he orders. “You barged in here in the middle of the night and you’ve been acting weird the whole time. Seriously, what’s wrong? Is it that bad?”

 

“It’s really nothing, hyung,” Kwangsoo replies, his voice muffled by t-shirt. “Can’t we just sleep? You’ve got schedule in the morning, don’t you?”

 

Jongkook’s about to say no, he’s determined to find out what’s making his boyfriend depressed, but then Kwangsoo peeks up at him with those ridiculously big brown eyes. His voice dies in his throat because Kwangsoo is clearly pleading. Jongkook attempts and utterly fails at trying to resist.

 

“You’re right,” he concedes with a sigh. “I do have schedule tomorrow morning and it’s pretty late. We should sleep. Here, budge over.”

 

He pokes and prods Kwangsoo until his boyfriend finally gets off him. With that success, Jongkook proceeds to coax Kwangsoo under the covers and tucks the blankets carefully around those long limbs.

 

“There,” he says with satisfaction. “Comfortable?”

 

Kwangsoo shakes his head in negative. Jongkook’s eyebrows crease.

 

“Why not?” he says, leaning over to check if maybe he’s left some parts open to the air.

 

Kwangsoo looks up at him. “Hyung, too,” he says, one hand surfacing from under the covers so he can wiggle his fingers slightly.

 

Jongkook stares at him and he feels his heart do a strange little twist. “Right,” he mutters.

 

Kwangsoo reattaches to him instantly once Jongkook’s under the covers with him. His heart flutters again when Kwangsoo rubs his head under his ear like a baby.

 

“Okay, now?” he asks softly, stretching his arm out for Kwangsoo to rest on.

 

Kwangsoo nods. He seems a lot more relaxed compared to before but that’s probably because of the drowsiness. More than anything, he still seems gloomy. Jongkook tries to look into his eyes but Kwangsoo avoids his gaze. In the end, he gives up on trying to figure out what could be wrong. He doesn’t want to but it occurs to him that maybe nothing _is_ wrong. It’s possible that Kwangsoo’s just feeling down. Maybe it’s a memory, or a combination of little things that become too much, and it’s also possible to feel sad for no reason. Jongkook knows this first-hand. Whatever the case, at least Kwangsoo is here for him to take care of.

 

“Goodnight, hyung,” Kwangsoo says at the same time he yawns, so it comes out distorted.

 

Jongkook looks at him. On an impulse, he leans forward and presses his lips to Kwangsoo’s forehead in a gentle kiss.

 

“Feel better soon, Kwangsoo,” he whispers, pulling away so he can reach for the light switch.

 

Before turning off the light, Jongkook glances back and for the first time tonight, he finally sees Kwangsoo smiling.

  
**iv.**

_Anger_

(Bitter kisses)

Every couple fights. It’s natural. According to the experts, it’s even considered a good thing.

 

Although he’s heard of this, Jongkook resolutely does not agree.

 

“I _told_ you someone was there!” he yells, and his voice is like thunder. “I _told_ you but you just don’t listen! What are those ears for, huh? This would’ve gone better if you’d just listen to me sometimes!”

 

“Like listening to you was going to change anything!” Kwangsoo snaps back. In the face of Jongkook’s anger which he’s used to dealing with, as well as his own rarely-blown temper, the instinctive respect for his elders is forgotten. “Even if we were quiet it doesn’t change the fact that he’s got _eyes_.”

 

“If you’d listened to me and kept your mouth shut, maybe he wouldn’t have come in and seen us!”

 

“He was going to come in anyway, hyung. It wouldn’t have _changed anything_ , because he would’ve thought we were wrestling or something!”

 

“Kwangsoo-ya,” says Jongkook, his voice tight, “even Gary isn’t stupid enough to think we were wrestling in there.”

 

“It still doesn’t change the fact that he was coming in either way. Hyung, I don’t think he even heard us. You’re saying I was too noisy and that what we were doing should’ve been obvious, then any sane person would run the opposite direction if he did hear us! Gary-hyung isn’t the kind of guy who’d try to catch a peep of the _show_.”

 

Jongkook grits his teeth. “So that just means he was going to catch us no matter what,” he mutters.

 

Kwangsoo crosses his arms and glares. “So?” he says, a rare scowl on his face. “So what if he finally caught us?”

 

Jongkook stares at him. “Did you just block out what happened?” he says, incensed. “Gary saw us. He _saw_ us. Do you have any idea what that means?”

 

“It means he just needs time to get over it, hyung. He knows now, just like everyone else knows! What exactly is wrong with that?”

 

“What’s wrong is that he _walked in on us_. We just…aren’t you worried at all about how he’ll think of us now? If he had to find out, there could’ve been hundreds of other ways!”

 

Kwangsoo’s stare grows cold. “Considering how things were going, I don’t think there was ever going to be any other way for Gary-hyung to find out.”

 

That brings Jongkook up short. He frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“What do you think it means, hyung?” Kwangsoo runs his fingers through his hair, looking frustrated. “The only reason Gary-hyung didn’t know up until now, even when everybody else has known for _months_ , is because you didn’t want to tell him. You wouldn’t let the others say a word. You were determined to keep it a secret. He’s our friend, hyung. How long did you think we could hide from him?”

 

“I didn’t want to _hide_ from him,” Jongkook says sharply.

 

“Didn’t you?” Kwangsoo demands. “Hyung, _you’re_ the one who wanted to keep it quiet. I thought we should tell Gary-hyung because everyone else knew. It wasn’t fair to keep him out of the loop.”

 

“There’s a reason why I didn’t want Gary to know, Kwangsoo-ya.”

 

“He had a right to know, hyung!”

 

“It’s not about whether he had a right or not, it’s how he was going to take it. Didn’t you see, Kwangsoo-ya? He couldn’t even look at us. He wouldn’t look at anybody and he was the first to go home. He didn’t even say goodbye.”

 

“I’d have some problem looking somebody in the eye, too, hyung, if I’d caught them having sex in the dressing room.”

 

“Are you deliberately trying to be stupid?” says Jongkook, incredulous. “Gary wouldn’t look at _anyone_. Do you even get what I’m trying to say here?”

 

Kwangsoo exhales. His expression is frustrated. “Yes, Jongkook-hyung, I got it,” he says, glaring. “But that isn’t the problem, is it? That’s never been the problem. Can’t you just admit it, hyung? You never wanted Gary-hyung to find out about us.”

 

Jongkook opens his mouth but it takes a bit before he manages to form any words. “ _What_? Who said that? That’s ridiculous!”

 

“Is it, hyung?” Kwangsoo looks at him dead in the eye. “We’ve been together for this long. Everybody else knows about us but it’s not because we told them. This entire time, you’ve been pressuring all of us to keep it a secret because you’re scared.”

 

Jongkook recoils. “What the hell are you talking about, Kwangsoo-ya?” he growls.

 

But Kwangsoo doesn’t back down. “Will you say I’m lying, hyung?” he challenges. “It’s not true that you’ve been scared this entire time of anyone finding out?”

 

“Of course I’m scared! What do you think will happen if the wrong person finds out? This isn’t a fairy tale, Kwangsoo-ya, our careers are never going to survive if we get exposed!”

 

“It’s not like we’re kissing in front of the camera, hyung, they’re our friends! I trust them, I know they wouldn’t do anything that’ll get us in trouble. They care about us. Gary-hyung cares about us.”

 

“Sure showed that, since he ran away and refused to even come near us later.”

 

Kwangsoo’s eyes narrow. “Maybe he would’ve taken it better if we told him earlier,” he says, sounding defiant. “Everything could’ve gone easier, hyung, if we told him ourselves. He wouldn’t have to find out like that. Why are you so scared of telling people? It’s not like we’re going to air it out to the world!”

 

“Because one more person knowing is just a bigger chance of everyone else finding out! Do you have any idea what’s on the line, here? We talked about this. Why do you think we’re so careful all the time?”

 

“Being careful and hiding it from our _friends_ is a completely different thing, hyung. You just don’t trust them, you don’t trust anyone because you’re too scared!”

 

“I’m not scared of anything!” Jongkook bellows.

 

“Aren’t you?” Kwangsoo retorts. “You’re always scared, hyung. I touch you in front of the camera and you flinch. I hug you and you freeze up. It’s not like I’m going to ravish you where everyone can see us! They’re not going to point at us and say ‘They’re together!’ just because I’m holding your hand!”

 

“If you _keep_ holding my hand it gets weird, Kwangsoo-ya! There’s no way I want our relationship to get exposed to everybody.”

 

“I don’t want that either, but I’m not talking about everybody, hyung. I’m talking about when we hang out with the others, with our friends. Even though Jihyo-noona knows about us, you still got angry because I kissed you on the cheek in front of her!”

 

“Anybody could’ve walked in, idiot!” Jongkook hisses.

 

“That wasn’t the reason you got angry,” Kwangsoo snaps back. “Jihyo-noona didn’t even blink, hyung, you were the one freaking out. Why? She knew about us. Sometimes I think it’s because you’re still uncomfortable about the fact that we’re both men.”

 

Jongkook gapes, outraged. “That’s got _nothing_ to do with it. We’re not some exhibit!”

 

Kwangsoo gives a derisive snort.

 

“They don’t think that either, hyung, we’re their friends. Their family. They deserved to know. The fact that they figured it out on their own just goes to show how well they know us, doesn’t it, hyung? And they’re happy for us, just like we’re happy for Jihyo-noona and Donghoonie-hyung. Why is it so hard for you to see that?”

 

“Because we don’t really know!” Jongkook snarls. “How can you even be sure they’re okay with it? There’s a difference between knowing and seeing it, Kwangsoo-ya. Why do you think Gary wouldn’t even look at us? He had to face it! The others know we’re dating, Kwangsoo-ya, but do you think they see us as a couple? Do you think Sukjin-hyung likes seeing us hugging when he knows it’s not a friendly thing? You think Hyuk’s comfortable whenever we hold hands?”

 

“They wouldn’t be our friends if they didn’t accept us, hyung,” says Kwangsoo, clearly disgusted. “I wouldn’t want to be their friend either if that’s the case.”

 

Jongkook rubs at his temples, thoroughly fed up with this argument. “It’s dangerous, Kwangsoo-ya, why is it so hard for you to understand?” he grits out, frustrated. “You said it yourself; they’re our friends, our family. You care about them so how can you say you don’t want to be their friend? If they reject us, you’d be devastated. I don’t want to risk it!”

 

Kwangsoo’s face is unreadable as he stares at Jongkook. Then disappointment takes over his expression and he turns away, shaking his head.

 

“That’s the problem, hyung,” he says bitterly. “Our relationship’s always been a risk to you.”

 

Jongkook watches, speechless, as Kwangsoo storms out. He expects to hear a slamming door, Kwangsoo might’ve chosen to retreat to his bedroom, but none is forthcoming. He turns away, unable to call up the curiosity to even wonder. He instead focuses on taking deep breaths because he needs them, he needs to calm down or he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. His back is aching slightly and he doesn’t really understand why but that combined with the twisting and utterly horrible feeling his insides are experiencing makes for a very unstable Kim Jongkook right now.

 

It takes a few minutes of controlled breathing before he’s calm enough to think. He tips his head back, closing his eyes for a moment until his mind is a little clearer.

 

Now that he’s listening, he can hear Kwangsoo in the kitchen. There’s the clinking of a spoon against glass, or is that ceramic? He’s probably making tea because Kwangsoo’s told him once that the simple act of preparation, the light noise that accompanies it, is soothing to him. Jongkook has watched him do it multiple times and it really does seem to chase away Kwangsoo’s stress. It usually calms Jongkook down, too, watching the ease with which his clumsy boyfriend moves with cups, spoons and teabags.

 

Right now, however, the sounds bring him no comfort. He stares out the window but he barely sees the city’s glittering lights against the night. His chest feels tight and his knuckles hurt, tense for too long in the fists his hands have been unconsciously making. The anger is like lead in his stomach, a headache pounding behind his temple, and it dawns on him that it isn’t going away anytime soon.

 

He can’t stay here. This is supposed to be a special night, one they were going to make the most of since Kwangsoo’s family is away, meaning no one is going to be dropping by without warning as is prone to happen, and they both have the day free tomorrow. He doesn’t see how it can be salvaged after their fight. At this point, he doesn’t feel like he wants to salvage it anyway. Maybe it’s best for them to be apart for a little bit; he, at least, needs to cool off before he ends up breaks something.

 

Jongkook purses his lips and runs a hand through his hair. It’s time to leave, then.

 

There’s no sound coming from the kitchen when he steps out into the hall. He pauses, hesitating, and wonders if maybe Kwangsoo had gone to the bedroom without Jongkook’s knowledge. It would be easier on both of them. Jongkook could just write a note (because he’s not that much of a bastard to leave without a word). When he peeks into the kitchen, however, he finds Kwangsoo leaning against the counter with his back to the entrance. He’s standing absolutely still, head bowed, and Jongkook carefully doesn’t wonder what he’s doing.

 

“Kwangsoo-yah,” he calls.

 

Kwangsoo jumps. Jongkook waits but his boyfriend doesn’t turn. Jongkook grits his teeth. It’s fine with him if Kwangsoo doesn’t want to look at his face.

 

“I’m going to go,” he mutters, himself unable to look at the man braced against the counter. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

There’s no immediate reply and he doesn’t bother waiting for one. He heads for the door, intent on leaving as fast as humanely possible.

 

“Hyung.”

 

Jongkook stops and looks back over his shoulder. Kwangsoo’s stepping out from the kitchen and when their gazes meet, he walks over. Jongkook knows what he’s going to do and he suffers a two-second debate on whether he should allow it but in the end he stays still. Kwangsoo’s always been particularly stubborn about goodnight kisses, claiming it’s a routine they should keep as often as possible although for what Jongkook doesn’t really understand. Usually he’s happy to oblige him but this time he just wants to get it over with quickly.

 

Kwangsoo reaches his hand out, palming the strong line of Jongkook’s jaw. Jongkook is careful to keep his face expressionless as he gazes up at his lover’s equally tense features. Kwangsoo looks as if he wants to say something but after seconds tick by without a word, he sighs. He leans forward and presses a light, brief kiss against Jongkook’s mouth.

 

He steps back immediately and, without looking at Jongkook at all, quietly says: “Goodnight, hyung.”

 

Jongkook is frozen in his spot for a moment before he grits his teeth and gives a sharp nod. “Night,” he says, curt, and leaves before either of them can say anything more.

 

When the door slides shut behind him, however, he has to pause. The almost uncontrollable urge to put his fist through something makes it hard to breathe for a second but at the same time he still feels painfully sad, his stomach roiling sickly. He’s startled when a loud thump resounds from behind him and he stares at the door over his shoulder in momentary shock. Then he realises Kwangsoo must have punched it.

 

Jongkook lets his eyes linger, contemplating if he should go back in, but then he gives his head a rough shake. Even if he does see Kwangsoo again, there’s no guarantee that they won’t just descend into another argument. Besides, he’s certainly not in the mood to calm down. Better to go to the gym or make use of his home equipment and sweat out all the frustration.

 

As he walks down the hall, he can’t stop himself from touching his mouth. It’s probably just his imagination but there’s something oddly bitter about the aftertaste of that kiss.

  
**v.**

_Forgiveness_

(Apologetic kiss)

“He’s not here, Joongki-ya! I thought he was asleep so he couldn’t hear the door, or maybe he was ignoring me on purpose, but I used my key to get inside and the entire place is empty! I found his phone but his shoes, his wallet, they’re all gone. _He’s_ gone and I have no idea where he is!”

 

“Hyung,” Joongki says. “This is the fifth time I’m saying this, and I’m not going to say it again. Calm _down_.”

 

Jongkook tries to take the words to heart and stops pacing. “Okay,” he says, once he thinks he’s a bit less frantic.

 

“Alright?” Joongki asks, the sceptical tone in his voice evident even over the slight static of the line.

 

“Fine,” Jongkook affirms. “Sorry, I’m a bit worried here.”

 

“That might’ve been the biggest understatement I’ve ever heard from you, hyung.”

 

Jongkook scowls. “Alright, so I’m more than a bit worried,” he says, “but you can’t blame me when my boyfriend’s _vanished into thin air_.”

 

“Jongkook-hyung, I don’t call that calming down.”

 

“ _Joongki-ah._ ”

 

Jongkook’s not in the mood for this, he really isn’t. Kwangsoo is missing and there’s not a single clue as to where he could be. His cell phone is here so contacting him is out of the realm of possibility without some indication as to where he is. Jongkook is going to drive himself crazy if he doesn’t know something soon.

 

“Hyung,” Joongki says, his voice patient. “It’s not like panicking will help you, will it?”

 

“I’m just worried.”

 

“I know you are, hyung, but Kwangsoo’s not a kid. He’s been out the whole night before. You’ve done it too, remember? Clubbing, staying the night a friend’s house, or whatever. It happens sometimes.”

 

“It doesn’t happen without him telling me first, Joongki-ah,” Jongkook says. “He doesn’t just go off like that. Kwangsoo-ya isn’t the type of guy to do something so irresponsible. Even if we were fighting, he’d at least leave me a message. I haven’t heard from him since last night when I left.”

 

There’s a thoughtful hum from the other end of the line.

 

“Why did you leave, hyung?” Joongki asks, sounding curious. “I thought you two were planning to spend the night together.”

 

Jongkook’s too surprised to feel embarrassed. “How did you know that?”

 

“What, that you two had plans together? Kwangsoo told me.”

 

“He _told_ you?”

 

“Yeah. Why? Was it supposed to be some kind of big secret?”

 

“…No. I’m just surprised he told you.”

 

“He told me you guys were going to stay in bed the whole day.”

 

Jongkook, worry temporarily forgotten, sputters. “ _What_?”

 

Joongki is now clearly amused and Jongkook can practically see his smug face. He exhales, making his way out of the living room and into the hall; he vaguely remembers that Kwangsoo leaves notes stuck onto his fridge sometimes. He hasn’t checked the kitchen yet.

 

“I’m kidding, Jongkook-hyung,” says Joongki with an obvious note of glee in his voice. “Kwangsoo-yah said you guys had plans today. It’s kind of obvious what you guys were going to do, though, isn’t it?”

 

“I’m not having this kind of conversation with you,” says Jongkook, a little horrified.

 

Joongki snorts. “C’mon, hyung, it’s not like I don’t know what kind of mischief you two get up to when you’re alone.”

 

“ _Joongki-ya_ , seriously, this is not an open sub—”

 

He steps into the kitchen and immediately freezes in his tracks. The rest of his words flee from his head, replaced by a flood of shock and a familiar ache forming in his chest. He remembers hearing the noises of Kwangsoo in the kitchen, recalls finding him leaning against the counter, quiet with no indication that he’d been making anything. There had been no sign of tea, at least not any that Jongkook had seen. But now that he’s standing here, gaze fixed forward, Jongkook realises that he hadn’t even bothered looking past Kwangsoo’s back.

 

The two cups sitting on the counter seem to mock him with their consideration.

 

Jongkook’s almost scared to walk forward but he does it anyway. When he sees the herb-green liquid filling both mugs to the brim, his heart clenches. One glance at the sink reveals the teapot, its filter still clogged with soggy green tea leaves.

 

Jongkook braces one palm against marble and swallows past the lump in his throat.

 

“Jongkook-hyung? Jongkook-hyung, you there? Hyung!”

 

Jongkook counts to ten before he replies. “Here, sorry, Joongki-ah. I was…I just got distracted.”

 

There’s a pause before Joongki asks, hesitantly, “You alright? You sound a bit different.”

 

Joongki’s ears are really no joke. Jongkook shakes his head and cradles the phone between his shoulder and chin so he can bring the cups of cold tea to the sink.

 

“It’s nothing,” he says. “C’mon, are you going to help me or not? You’re his best friend.”

 

“That doesn’t mean I can read his mind, hyung. That’s more your thing.”

 

“You know what I mean. Did he tell you anything?”

 

“About going somewhere weird in the middle of the night? No. Maybe he went to a bar and got drunk, hyung.”

 

“I don’t know,” says Jongkook doubtfully. “He doesn’t drink much these days.”

 

“More like he doesn’t drink much ever since he met you,” says Joongki, tone wry.

 

Jongkook coughs as he dries the washed dishware and starts to put them away.

 

“I don’t think he went to a bar,” he says, bypassing the comment in favour of the situation. “At least not alone. He’s not that stupid.”

 

“Well, if your fight was so bad it could’ve messed with his head a bit.”

 

“How’d you know we had a fight?”

 

There’s a pause before Joongki says, with some haughtiness, “Well, what else would cause you to leave even after you guys made plans together?”

 

Jongkook dries his hands and takes a seat at the kitchen table. “It could’ve been any number of reasons,” he points out, unable to cover his morose tone.

 

“Jongkook-hyung, short of an emergency, I don’t think anything was going to change Kwangsoo’s mind about spending the day with you. And if it was anything else, he wouldn’t be missing right now, would he?”

 

Jongkook runs a hand through his hair. “It’s not our worst fight,” he offers.

 

“It was bad enough that he up and left in the middle of the night.”

 

“We don’t know that he left last night,” Jongkook replies, although the cold tea is all the proof he doesn’t want. “He could’ve just left a few hours ago.”

 

There’s a brief silence and for some reason, this causes Jongkook to sense that something’s not quite right here. He places his palm flat on his table and tries to imagine Joongki’s face.

 

“It’d be kind of weird if Kwangsoo-ya left at some crazy hour even if he was upset,” Joongki says. “It’s not like he could get anywhere, and if he stayed at home in the first place, it’s unlikely he’d even want to get out of bed, right?”

 

“I guess,” Jongkook agrees slowly. “But he could’ve gone out for a walk or to the gym. Breakfast outside.”

 

“Kwangsoo doesn’t like doing those kind of things alone.”

 

“Yeah. When he’s upset, he doesn’t like being alone.”

 

Joongki takes a while to answer and Jongkook’s suspicions increase.

 

“So maybe he spent the night at someone’s place.”

 

“It can’t have been just anyone,” Jongkook says. “Kwangsoo-yah doesn’t like to impose on people even when he’s in trouble, so it’d have to be someone he’s close to. He was upset yesterday because we were fighting, and considering why we were fighting, I’m pretty sure the list of who he’s close to is even smaller, specific to the people who know about our relationship. If he decides to go drink his sorrows away, or cry on somebody’s shoulder, it’s not much use if it’s someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

 

“…Right.”

 

Jongkook frowns as something reverberates in his mind, belated though the realisation is.

 

“Joongki-ah,” he says. “How did you know Kwangsoo and I had plans today?”

 

Joongki sounds wary now. “He told me, remember?”

 

“No, I don’t remember.”

 

“I called him to ask if he wanted to hang out today because I knew he was free. He said you two had plans and I told you this already, hyung.”

 

“You did,” Jongkook agrees, “but the problem with that is we only made those plans yesterday afternoon, and I was with him practically every second until I left last night. He talked to a lot of people but I don’t remember you being one of them.”

 

Silence meets him from the other end. Jongkook ploughs on, pieces falling into place almost faster than he can think.

 

“Neither of us had time for phones while we were filming and we were together during breaks, and we went home together. There was barely a second when I wasn’t with him, there’s no way he could’ve called you without me knowing about it. So, obviously, you must’ve called him after I left; that would’ve been the only time I could miss it.”

 

Still Joongki fails to reply. Jongkook doesn’t mind; he’s too busy rummaging in his pocket for Kwangsoo’s phone. Once he has it hand, he doesn’t waste time looking for the call list. The first name that comes up fills him with triumph.

 

“Proof!” he exclaims. “Kwangsoo’s last call was from you yesterday night, Joongki-ah. So you did call him after I was gone. The reason I left was because we fought, so he was upset when you called him. That’s when he told you about our plans, but he must’ve also told you they were cancelled because we didn’t know if we’d make up by today. But when I called you, you pretended you didn’t know anything. Why would you lie to me about that? The only reason I can think of is if you were hiding something, or you were stalling for time. What were you stalling for time for?

 

“You know where he is, don’t you, Joongki-ah?”

 

Joongki is quiet for a long minute but Jongkook waits, albeit with some impatience. Then Joongki sighs, sounding irritated.

 

“I swear you’re like a sniffer dog, Jongkook-hyung,” he grumbles. “Kwangsoo’s here, at my place.”

 

Jongkook’s guessed as much. “Did he stay the night?”

 

“Yeah. I offered to come over but he said he wanted to come here instead. I didn’t really argue, he sounded like he was going to cry over the phone.”

 

Jongkook winces. “I came back,” he points out, a trifle sullenly. “Why’d you lie, anyway?”

 

“Instinct. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you, but after you got so worried I was trying to figure out how to tell you he was here.”

 

“Is he asleep?”

 

“Passed out like a baby in the guest room. He was pretty bad last night, hyung. I thought he was going to drink it all away or something because he kept looking through my fridge but in the end he just went and sulked in bed. I don’t even know what you guys fought about, he wouldn’t tell me.”

 

Jongkook sighs. “Can I come over?”

 

“Would it stop you if I said no?” Joongki asks.

 

“Not really, but I’d rather not break your door down.”

 

There’s a huff of laughter over the line. “I’m not warning him that you’re coming over, okay.”

 

“Probably for the best,” Jongkook says as he rises to his feet. “He might try to run if he knew I was on the way.”

 

“Not like you couldn’t catch him, though, Jongkook-hyung.”

 

“Obviously, Joongki-ya. I’m always the best when it comes to catching sneaky giraffe no matter how fast they run.”

.~’~.

“I’m not sure if he’s still asleep,” Joongki informs Jongkook as he lets him in. “I heard him in the bathroom but I don’t know if he went back to sleep.”

 

“If he’s still asleep, I’ll wait until he wakes up,” says Jongkook. “Either way, we’re going to talk.”

 

“Just don’t end up destroying any of my stuff. Don’t have sex on my sheets either.”

 

Jongkook nearly trips. “ _Joongki-ah_!” he hisses, scandalised.

 

“What?” says Joongki defensively. “My parents sleep in that room.”

 

Jongkook can’t even think of a reply for that. He follows Joongki through the apartment and towards a door in the corner. Joongki glances at him.

 

“Should I knock and find out if he’s awake?” he asks, voice soft in case Kwangsoo is.

 

Jongkook considers it and then shakes his head. He motions for Joongki to move.

 

“I’ll deal with it,” he says, stepping up towards the door. He hesitates, wondering if he should just go in before shaking his head and tapping the wood with his knuckles.

 

Joongki crosses his arms when there’s no sound from inside. “Maybe he’s still asleep after all,” he offers.

 

Jongkook doesn’t think so. He knocks again even as his other hand twists the doorknob open. It’s not locked.

 

“Kwangsoo-ya?” he calls out.

 

Still, silence. Jongkook waits and glances back at Joongki who friend mouths ‘Good luck’ before heading off into the kitchen. Jongkook nods to himself, taking a deep breath. He pushes the door open slowly and steps inside.

 

The first thing he sees is the long, lanky form on the bed covered in blankets. Jongkook bites his lips because Kwangsoo’s feet are protruding from the edge of the bed, hanging in the air. He takes a few steps forward.

 

“Kwangsoo?” he says.

 

Kwangsoo doesn’t move. Save for his feet, he’s completely ensconced within the layers of blankets. Jongkook gazes at him, pondering what to do, and walks up until he’s standing next to the bed. Kwangsoo is still beneath his covers.

 

“Kwangsoo-ya,” Jongkook repeats, a little firmer this time. It’s the tone he utilises when he’s demanding attention; Kwangsoo always listens to him when he’s using that tone.

 

As if on cue, Kwangsoo twitches. Jongkook shakes his head, exasperated despite himself. Although he can’t see his troublesome giraffe, there’s no doubt now that Kwangsoo’s awake.

 

Jongkook smiles ruefully when he thinks about why that is and climbs into the bed. Kwangsoo shifts, just a little, but Jongkook doesn’t know if it’s to make room or it’s just an involuntary reaction to the added weight on a soft surface. He squirms his way closer anyway, encouraged by the fact that Kwangsoo doesn’t move away, until he’s propped up against the headboard. The lump that should be Kwangsoo’s head is inches from his hip. Jongkook waits to see if his boyfriend will come out on his own but after a few minutes of silence, he knows that he’ll have to start this conversation.

 

“So, Donghoonie called this morning,” says Jongkook casually. “The two of us and Gary were going to see a movie tomorrow night, but apparently Gary cancelled yesterday because he didn’t want to face me right now.”

 

This finally makes Kwangsoo surface, and it’s like a drowning man reaching the surface for air. He shoots out from under the covers, hair wild and flying from the speed of it, and his mouth is gaping as he stares at Jongkook.

 

“Seriously?” he says.

 

Jongkook forces a nonchalant shrug. “That’s what Donghoon said.”

 

“Gary-hyung told Donghoonie-hyung to tell you that?”

 

“No, he just told Donghoon that he didn’t want to come to the movies with us and when Donghoon asked why, he said he couldn’t face me.”

 

Kwangsoo’s expression saddens inexorably. He turns and moves until he’s also sitting against the headboard and, after a short moment of hesitation, snakes an arm around Jongkook’s waist. Jongkook leans into him, the lack of sleep and the stress of last night’s troubles finally taking a toll on him.

 

“I’m sorry for yelling yesterday,” he mutters. “I was just…”

 

“It’s okay, hyung,” Kwangsoo intercepts him. “I know what you mean. I’m sorry for making things worse.”

 

Jongkook sighs. “You were right,” he says. “We should’ve told Gary way before he found out like that.”

 

Kwangsoo rests his head on Jongkook’s. “It’s not like I fought all that much to tell him,” he confesses, a little guilty. “Unlike the others, I didn’t know if he could take it well. Sukjin-hyung found out himself and he accepted us anyway but that doesn’t mean Gary-hyung would’ve reacted the same way. It’s like you said, hyung. I didn’t want to risk it either.”

 

Jongkook’s lips twist, recalling his own words.

 

“You weren’t wrong, you know,” he says, slowly, reluctantly. It’s tough trying to get the words out even though he’s been haunted by them the whole night.

 

“About what?”

 

“About…me being scared.”

 

Kwangsoo’s body goes still next to him. There’s a long pause before he speaks.

 

“What are you talking about, hyung?” he says, careful.

 

Jongkook moves his head away so he can look at Kwangsoo. His boyfriend’s face has hints of fear in it and Jongkook’s immediately sorry to have put them there. He raises his hand to stroke Kwangsoo’s cheek.

 

“It’s the first time I’ve ever been serious with anyone,” he explains haltingly. “Considering how old I am, Kwangsoo-yah, that’s not a light thing to say. It’s not the longest relationship I’ve ever had, not yet, but I’ve never…”

 

He grasps for the right words that won’t make him look so pathetic before he heaves a sigh of resignation.

 

“Felt so much,” he finishes quietly.

 

Kwangsoo’s large brown eyes watch him, steady and kind, not a single trace of judgement on it.

 

“I’ve never been in a relationship as long as this before,” says Kwangsoo, lips quirked. “Then again, there’s never been anyone who’s ever made me feel like I couldn’t let them go.”

 

Jongkook stares at him and then his lips twitch. He bumps Kwangsoo’s shoulder with his own.

 

“You’re such a sap,” he murmurs.

 

Kwangsoo smiles at him. Jongkook shifts, ostensibly to get comfortable, when he actually just wants to get closer. He hesitates.

 

“I’m not ashamed of us, you know,” he says, hoping his sincerity can be seen. “I’m not ashamed of you. You think I don’t want to punch anyone who gets too friendly with you?”

 

“Scary Jongkookie-hyung,” Kwangsoo teases, although his eyes are sombre. “You don’t have to be scared of anybody taking me away.”

 

“I’m not scared of that,” Jongkook insists, frowning, because it’s imperative that his boyfriend understands what he’s trying to say here. “I don’t—I _know_ , okay, Kwangsoo-ya? I know that our friends don’t really care that we’re together. I know it doesn’t bother them and I know that we should be comfortable around them.

 

“I just…get worried sometimes.”

 

It’s a pathetic reason but he really doesn’t know how else to express how he feels about it. Truthfully he’s more than worried about it. He’s absolutely terrified.

 

He sighs again. “Our relationship’s not a risk to me,” he says quietly. “Not really. But I’m worried about what’s at stake. Our family and friends, our jobs. Everything we’ve gained. Kwangsoo-ya, aren’t you worried about what could happen if everyone finds out about us?”

 

He cuts himself off there in sheer horror because it all comes out wrong. He’s actually trying to say that there’s a valid reason for worry but it sounds more like he’s trying to reignite last night’s argument. Before he can correct himself, Kwangsoo nods and there’s unexpected empathy on his face.

 

“I’m worried all the time,” he admits. “And I know you don’t mean it that way, hyung. It’s normal to be worried about this.”

 

“Yeah,” says Jongkook, blinking. “I just…yesterday, what we were fighting about. Half of it was true, Kwangsoo-ya.”

 

He doesn’t want to say that but he needs Kwangsoo to know regardless. Kwangsoo only smiles at him, a little sad.

 

“I know, hyung,” he says.

 

Jongkook feels his heart twist painfully. “I won’t freak out again, though,” he finds himself declaring, the words bursting from his lips without his say-so. “About…about being together in front of the others. You were right. They’re okay with it and if they’re not, well…yeah. If we’re with everyone we should be able to, you know, hold hands and, um, kiss.”

 

He grimaces at the way that sounds but Kwangsoo grins at him and it makes Jongkook feel a bit better. He gazes at his boyfriend; there are bags under Kwangsoo’s eyes that prove his lack of sleep, the slump of his shoulders that speak of weariness and the tousle of his hair that probably means he’s been tossing and turning. It’s obvious that he’s had a night as bad as his older boyfriend. Jongkook wishes they’d been together.

 

He doesn’t have the right words for it, not really. How he feels about yesterday, how angry he is at himself for what he’s said, how angry he is at Kwangsoo for what _he’d_ answered with, the turmoil they both went through during the night. He doesn’t know how to start talking about all that without ultimately making everything worse. He has no idea what he should say that would make Kwangsoo realise how much he regrets leaving yesterday.

 

So instead of saying anything, he places a hand behind Kwangsoo’s neck and draws him down for a kiss. Kwangsoo doesn’t fight it. The way he parts his lips against Jongkook’s mouth is sure and the way he kisses back is gentle. Still Jongkook feels guilty because there’s a little desperation there, a little pain that carries over from yesterday, and he wants so much for Kwangsoo to know he’s _sorry, sorry, I’m so sorry_.

 

Kwangsoo holds him and it feels like he does know.

 

Jongkook exhales against Kwangsoo’s lips, reluctant to open his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he breathes, because it’s the only thing he knows how to say.

 

The subject isn’t closed and there is a lot more that should be said but he doesn’t dare to. Not right now. He hopes Kwangsoo won’t make him talk about it, about the issues they still dance around even though they’ve been together for this long. They’re important, and he knows they’ll come up again one day, possibly at a time too late, but even so he can’t talk about them now. He’s certain he’s not ready for it and he doesn’t want to end up in another fight.

 

He feels Kwangsoo kiss him this time and he knows he’s forgiven. He relaxes instantly. When he opens his eyes, Kwangsoo’s smiling; it’s that joyful, utterly beautiful smile that never fails to lift Jongkook’s spirits up. He finds himself smiling back, happy that everything’s okay again.

 

After what seems like too short a time, Kwangsoo draws back. He keeps his hands around Jongkook’s.

 

“What should we do about Gary-hyung?” he asks, his voice quiet and maybe a little worried.

 

Jongkook feels something in his chest clench. “I don’t know,” he forces himself to say. “I guess it’s his call. We can’t force him to accept us.”

 

Kwangsoo moves and his hands come up to lift Jongkook’s face. His large brown eyes look into Jongkook’s, searching and seeing things Jongkook probably doesn’t want him to know. But then Kwangsoo releases him and reaches down to clasp their hands together.

 

“It’ll be okay,” he promises.

 

Jongkook fights it but the smile blooms anyway. He squeezes Kwangsoo’s hands in the silent hope that when the time comes, those words will ring true. For now, he changes the subject.

 

“I guess today’s not working out the way we hoped,” Jongkook remarks.

 

“Well,” Kwangsoo muses, “the original plan was to stay in bed the whole day anyway, so it’s not like I’m disappointed.”

 

Jongkook can’t help but snort at that. He briefly considers telling his lover that Joongki’s guessed their plans with 100% accuracy and quickly concludes he’s not brave enough to explain how it happened.

 

“We could go to Siwon’s café for dinner,” he suggests, a trifle shyly. “They’ve got private rooms and his staff is discrete.”

 

Kwangsoo smiles at him, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. Curious, Jongkook smiles back. Whatever he might’ve wanted to say is nipped at the bud and they jump apart, startled when someone starts banging loudly on the door.

 

“Ya!” Joongki’s voice is heard from outside, loud and demanding. “Don’t you dare have sex on my sheets!”

 

Kwangsoo groans and slumps himself over Jongkook’s legs, muttering uncomplimentary things under his breath. Jongkook chuckles softly as he settles back against the headboard.

 

“We’re decent!” he calls.

 

There’s a pregnant pause before Joongki says: “Really?” in an honestly doubtful tone.

 

Kwangsoo lifts himself onto his elbows, looking as mortified as Jongkook feels.

 

“ _Yah_!” he bellows at the door.

 

It creaks open and Joongki peeks in with a comically suspicious expression on his face. When he sees the occupants on the bed, fully-clothed (and glowering, in Kwangsoo’s case), he gives an exaggerated sigh of relief and steps in.

 

“I came here to rescue my sheets,” he informs them, perfectly serious.

 

Kwangsoo squawks in outrage and within seconds they’ve descended into the bickering that practically defines their relationship. His cheeks burning, Jongkook grabs a pillow and buries his face in it. It’s only when he feels Joongki joining them on the bed does he lift his head, suitably assured that the blush is gone. Joongki grins at him.

 

“Made up yet?” he teases.

 

Jongkook grimaces and clears his throat, embarrassed. Kwangsoo shoves his best friend.

 

“You’re the one who told him I was here,” he accuses.

 

Joongki shrugs. “You didn’t tell me _not_ to tell him,” he says airily. “So I just did what I wanted.” He slides a smirk Kwangsoo’s way. “Besides, I know you. You were waiting for Jongkook-hyung to find you.”

 

Kwangsoo turns red. He glares at Joongki but it’s a poor cover for the way he’s resolutely avoiding Jongkook’s gaze. Jongkook raises the pillow again but this time he’s hiding a smile.

 

A few days later they have Running Man filming and Kwangsoo insists on going to the first location together. He clutches Jongkook’s hand the entire ride and when they arrive he refuses to allow either of them out of the car.

 

“I’ll have to give you up to whoever the female guest is today,” he whines. “You can’t blame me for wanting a little more time with you, hyung.”

 

Jongkook pretends to believe him because he’s not about to admit that he doesn’t want to face Gary either.

 

Eventually Kwangsoo’s stubbornness recedes in the face of his sense of responsibility and they head over to join the others. Halfway there Gary pops up out of nowhere and intercepts them, much to Kwangsoo’s initial horror and Jongkook’s alarm. In a move utterly typical of him, he hands them a bottle of banana milk each and gives his congratulations. Jongkook and Kwangsoo can only gape as he links his arms through theirs and drags them over to the group.

 

“He just needed time to think,” Donghoon tells Jongkook later. “He deserves a medal, hyung, seriously. If I’d seen you and Kwangsoo-ah like he said, I would’ve been so traumatised I’d need brain surgery to get the images out of my head.”

 

Jongkook’s sheer relief is the only thing that keeps him from clobbering his dongsaeng.


End file.
